Deviation Actions
Literature Text
Chapter 12 : Past Memories and Breaking In
Magnus was mindlessly petting Chairman Meow and grudgingly counting the hours that he’d been apart from Alec. At the moment, he was to a countdown of 18 hours and it was awful. He hadn’t realized how much he needed Alec so he wouldn’t fall down in his usual cynism and anxiety. He had walked in this relationship almost backward and now he was the one running ahead. Because let’s face it... Alec got him swooning and head over heels in a record time. Only Alec could make him believe it could work, only him had taken so much place in his life that he couldn’t imagine it without him. It was scary and it had never happened to him before. Which meant that in the absence of his loved one, all the old awful thoughts were invading him. His immortality, how Alec would die eventually and not him (he winced painfully at this), how his lover still obviously had a crush on his brother and now Magnus’s prisoner, how his boyfriend could barely indulge him a space in his life, how he was so reluctant to accept the fact Magnus was so much better for him than anyone else could ever be... Well, that was a bit pretentious of him but he still believed it.
Magnus sighed deeply. Most of all, he thought about how different Alec and him were and how scared he was that his lover would eventually grow apart of him. Alec was still young and even if he liked Magnus now, sometimes Magnus doubted the shadowhunter’s feelings would ever grow. Yesterday had scared him. How Alec had closed off and strayed from him had hurt him more than any dismissals his lover had inflicted on him. He didn’t want Alec to keep him at arm’s lenght, he wanted to be as close as he could ever be. They had so little time together and Magnus was everyday more sure of his love, the doubts fading, how come Alec couldn’t see that? Magnus was addicted to the happiness he had with Alec, even if they fought, even if he talked about Jace and even if he maybe didn’t love him, Magnus couldn’t let go. He wanted more... always more.
An annoying and becoming way-too-familiar voice broke his train of thoughts.
- “ Don’t you have any food in here? I’m starving!” Jace said in his haughty tone.
Magnus couldn’t help but roll his eyes upwards, asking God or whoever was up there what he had done to be stuck with the obnoxious Golden boy. Jace had been rumbling about and pacing around all day and when he wasn’t doing that, he had been spaming Clary voicemail restlessly. But of course, the redhaired girl wouldn’t answer and Jace didn’t seem to understand why. They hadn’t talked about Jace discovery anymore but Magnus had caught Jace’s lingering gaze on him, hardening whenever their eyes met. Nope, even if the subject stayed dead, the blond shadowhunter had definitely not forget that the man who was his jailor was most probably having sex with his beloved parabatai. Although, Jace seemed to recall that fact randomly when his obsession for his sister wasn’t omnipresent in his head. Sighing once again, Magnus answered the young man with obvious dislike and annoyance in his voice.
- “I agreed to keep you prisoner for the Clave, not attempt at your every need as if you were a toddler. If you’re hungry, you just have to order something. I’m not a babysitter. And it’s 11 at night, you just had to eat when I asked you what you wanted earlier! Now just let me be and go annoy someone else.”
The expression of outrage on Jace’s face was priceless. He stomped out of the room but, as he always had to have the last words, he shouted from behind his shoulder:
- “You’re the only one here! I have no other choice but to annoy YOU! And I wasn’t hungry earlier!” Jace grumbled.
Dismissing his prisoner with a waving hand, as Jace had walked back in the den to lock himself there again, surely to call Clary (yet again), Magnus’s mind came back to a more pleasing subject; Jace’s parabatai. Alec had changed much in his life in such a short time, it was troubling. Seeing Raphael the night before had disturb him. Reminding him of his long years, of the Hotel Dumort, of Camille, of all the reasons why he had to move on, to keep away from his past and never ever dwell on what had been before. He wasn’t better than dead if he started regretting. Alec was his present, his future if the young blue-eyed boy would let him do so, what need was there to remember all that he had lost, all the long empty years without a single ray of hope to lighten them? He knew Alec wanted to know more about him, about his life, about his past, but he couldn’t indulge him... yet.
Even this had changed. In any of his previous relationships, or what could count as relationships, Magnus had never really spoke of his life. He could count on one hand the ones who knew a little more about him, all of them immortals, and he always thought he was fine like that. But Alec gave him hope and he wanted to share with him, tell him of his loneliness, of the horror that long years could bring upon you, the burden that time was but somehow... he couldn’t. How could he allow Alec to be spoiled by Magnus’s immortal nature, by his cynism and hatred of the human stupidity? Although, they could shine so brightly sometimes. Alec was his sun, he was so innocent and perfect. He wanted to move on with him, feel and see what he never had, love like a human, as if he could die tomorrow. He wanted that. He didn’t want to be dragged behind, to relive past sufferings even if to share with his lover. That’s how he’d always been, even Tessa, with her grand heart, had never been able to make him understand how destructive his way of being could be. He hadn’t listened to her. At the time, running away and evading had been his safeguard, it had always been. He would have turned crazy if not. But Alec deserved him to dwell, to taste and savor their times together... Alec made him want to stay and never forget. He didn’t want to move on from Alec. It had been like that as soon as he had met the blue eyes of his lover.
Caught in his hopes, nostalgia and fear of what was to come, of what he was feeling, Magnus remembered their first encounter.
***
Magnus was bored out of his mind. It was happening almost all the time now. May he be surrounded by hundreds of people, drunk and dancing, as he was now, and all he could feel was this... boredom. It was constantly plaguing him. He was about to send everyone home when he heard the entrance bell ringing. He would have ignored it if it wouldn’t have been pressed again... and again and.. DAMNIT!
The High Warlock of Brooklyn opened his apartment door and stormed downstairs to the entrance door. There was no way he would allow some other guests to come in at this time when he already wanted to get rid of all the ones who were already there. He opened the entrance door rather abruptly to end up speechless, staring at the most beautiful blue eyes. Eyes he had seen only once. Will’s eyes. But then...no. These were even more delicious and surrounded by a gorgeous black haired blushing boy who seemed like he wanted to disappear behind the very loud and similar looking girl in front of him and to which he had just let go of her wrist, stopping her from ringing again. It appeared as if he was the only one with manners here... Magnus could hardly believe it but he felt his heart flutter, trying to catch the elusive blue eyes. He barely heard the girl talk.
- “Magnus? Magnus Bane?” She said cheerfully, as if she had won a prize or something.
All thoughts of letting the incomers die here on the threshold of his porch had flew away. He needed to know more about the lovely blushing wonder.
- “That would be me.” He had said in a husky voice.
At that moment, the blue eyes had lifted a bit and Magnus had caught his gaze as a bird of prey, not letting it go. Lucky for him, all the other shadowhunters were too focused on him to see the young man blush and squirm under his appreciative glance. Yes. His luck had turned... the boy was definitely gay and soon would be his, he had promised himself. He had contained the satisfied smirk to spread on his features and had continued his speech.
- “Children of the Nephilim” He had said slowly “Well. Well. I don’t recall inviting you.”
But I will definitely not let you go... Magnus had thought, relishing in the young man discomfort around him. This will be an interesting night after all, had been his next thought.
***
And interesting it had been. Alec had seduced him more and more throughout the short time he had been at his party. Blunt, direct, never hiding anything, even if it had been wrong, interested and most surprinsigly, coming to his defense. Magnus had made sure to let his gaze linger and envelop the young man as often as he could have done and he had smiled from the failed attempts of avoidance Alec had tried. When he had asked him to ‘Call him’, he had been sure the blue eyed boy would do so... But he hadn’t. Thus adding to Magnus’s interest. He had made him wait for two long weeks... two weeks before ringing at his doorstep, barely healed from his injury. They hadn’t really talked when Magnus had saved him from the Greater Demon poisoning but their eyes had met, lingering and interested, blowing on the spark Magnus had entertained in the secret of his heart. And now the shadowhunter was his, at least, Magnus fervantly hoped he was.
Alec was special... and he could hardly see it. He had caught Magnus’s eyes from the start and was driving him crazy, keeping him away and leaving him putty whenever he was close. And all Magnus could think about now was that he really missed Alec. He wanted to see him again, hug him, hold him, talk about what was going on his mind and why wasn’t he accepting Magnus to be as closed to him as he wished to be...
Magnus exhaled noisily another time, one too much for Chairman who took off, outraged at being treated so carelessly. It would have made smile the warlock if his mind wasn’t wandering down a dangerous path. He wanted to see Alec and he would.
He thought about all of what it implied: making sure Jace would stay asleep, strenghtening the wards of the flat, a night ride to Manhattan and then, he would have to deflect the wards of the Institute, without getting caught and without breaking the wards altogether, and probably a soundproof spell... as he very much intended to make Alec scream of pleasure before the night would be over.
Magnus knew he would be exhausted the next day, would probably end up with his magic running low, would be risking big if the Clave knew he planned on breaking in the Institute, the presence of the Inquisitor within its walls but... it was all worth it to see the gorgeous blue eyes again.
Smirking joyfully for the first time that day, Magnus Bane started plotting, getting ready to seduce and break into the very high defenses of his blushing and wonderful boyfriend Alexander Lightwood.
***
Alec’s pov
It was around midnight and Alec was laying on his bed and staring at the ceiling, unable to sleep. It had been an uneventful day eventhough it had been a rather unpleasant one. He had tried to train, to fail miserably, tried to read, to fail again, and mostly tried to avoid the overwhelming presence of the tension hovering in the Institute due to the Inquisitor’s occupancy within the walls of his home. Although, what had been a real run down in Alec’s awful day, was the absence of some green-gold eyes dawdling over Alec’s self-conscious body.
He grunted, angry with himself. Ever since he had admitted to himself being in love with the sparkly warlock, Alec’s mind barely stopped wandering away from his lover and if there’s one thing Alec despised, it was the lack of self-control. Of course, since they had started dating, Magnus had been omnipresent in his thoughts but never at this level of obsession. It was rather mind-wrecking. Most of all, he couldn’t help himself thinking about all that could go wrong and all the differences that separated him of his lover. He was becoming a boneless slug around Magnus and Alec wasn’t even able to believe his boyfriend would end up loving him one day. This idea was the one who sent him in a spiral of self-pity. How could anyone love someone as plain and boring as him? Let alone someone as confident and fascinating as Magnus Bane.
He was there in his depressing thoughts, that had been running around all day long, when he heard a small tap on his window. Caught off guard, Alec thought first is was probably the wind but the tap came again, persistent. Wary, the shadowhunter lift himself off the bed and went to the window. Seeing nothing, he opened it slowly, sticking his head out to see what was all the rambling about. He almost fell off when he heard the silky voice of his lover.
- “Hello sweetheart, won’t you let me in? It’s a rather cold night for September and I would really love to say hi properly.” Magnus said, teasing and casual, as if nothing was wrong.
Alec wildly looked around, searching for the origin of the voice to finally see his lover’s head hanging down from the top of the window, obliging Alec to twist around and look upwards to meet the cat’s eyes and sensual smirk. The shadowhunter’s eyes widened comically and he moved out of the window, afraid Magnus would break his neck soon enough if he didn’t let him in.
As soon as the young man walk away of the window, a lean an muscular body flipped, hands gripping the top frame of the window and entered in one swift move. Alec had never thought Magnus would be so supple. Speechless, he watched his lover straightening himself, dusting off his coat and turning around to close the window he had just come from. Magnus then turned around again and smiled brightly to his boyfriend, all proud and happy, which was all Alec needed to snap off his stupor.
- “WHAT THE HELL MAGNUS! ARE YOU CRAZY!” He shouted but his rambling was cut off by the warlock who putted a finger in front of his mouth, letting him know to be quiet.
Astonished, Alec could only obliged and he glanced with his eyes narrowed as Magnus started muttering in some unknown language and spreading his blue sparkling hands, creating a spell of some sort. Impressed, Alec saw the small sparkles stretch from his lover’s hands and fly to the walls of his room to install a sort of barrier all around Alec’s chamber, glowing for some seconds over the walls to then disappear.
Magnus stopped chanting in his weird summoning voice and grinned at Alec, eyes sparkling gorgeously. He closed the distance between them and, without leaving Alec a chance to resume his angry shouts, took his lips in a ravenous manner, leaving Alec’s mind blank of nothing but Magnus’s warm presence and delicious mouth moving against his.
When they broke apart to breathe, Alec was fuzzy, dizzy and very much turned on. Although, when he opened his eyes again and caught Magnus’s satisfied expression, all his frustrations and anger from earlier came down on him and he disentangled himself roughly from Magnus’s embrace. Alec’s fierce scowl met Magnus’s pouting one and he almost wavered from his anger but, now was not the time. Magnus had been reckless, imprudent and Alec was not about to let this go.
- “What were you thinking? You’re supposed to look over Jace and you know the Inquisitor is here! Do you have a death wish or something? You shouldn’t be here, it’s dangerous! Now, you better go back before someone catch you!” He said, whipering violently.
Magnus’s pouting face turned quickly into a smug one and that only made Alec wary and distruful of what his lover had been meandering about. This ought to be worst than he had first thought.
- “Do not worry, my love! I’ve got everything covered! Jace is at home, sound asleep due to one of my infallible spell so he won’t escape anytime soon. As for someone catching me, it’s impossible! I didn’t even broke in the wards, just deflected them and nobody, not even the Inquisitor, will heard us, as I just soundproofed your room. Isn’t that brilliant?” He said, pride and smugness breathing out of his pores.
Yet again speechless, Alec looked at his lover, unbelieving and blurted out the only question that came to his hazed mind.
- “Why? What was the point of all this?” He spluttered, confused.
As he rarely did, Magnus frowned, looking down at Alec as if the answer was obvious but slowly enunciated what seemed to be so unbelievable to Alec but that he had longed to hear nonetheless.
- “I came to see you, of course. We’ve been apart for a complete day! And I told you we needed to talk so... here I am!” He finished, joyful and childish.
Alec had a hard time keeping up with the conversation. He could scarcely comprehend why Magnus would have gone to such extremes simply to have few hours with him and above everyhing, just to know what was wrong with him. It implied such strong emotions that Alec definitely didn’t want to linger on them. He barely accepted his own feelings, he didn’t want to start dwelling again on Magnus’s own. He was already torturing himself enough with those. So he fell back to his usuals habits and dismissed any kind of importance to the whole gesture and decided that Magnus probably was bored out of his mind and had gone and invented himself a little challenge to spice up the long day. Back in control, Alec answered his lover flatly and almost emotionless.
- “Magnus, seriously, this could have waited... I know you probably got a serious kick by breaking into the Institute, proving your undeniable capacities but it’s hardly a reasonable past-time. It could have gone wrong.” He said, a bit of impatience leaking through his voice.
Alec turned around and moved to sit down on his bed, unaware that Magnus’s expression had become hurt, his hands resting on his hips while his eyes had betrayed uncertainty, something Alec never seemed to catch in his lover’s eyes.
Magnus’s hands fell to his side and he took two hesitant steps toward Alec, his enthusiasm deflating like a balloon. He spoke up, the hurt and the doubt still present in his voice.
- “Aren’t you happy to see me?” He said, whining a little bit. “I thought I could suprise you and...” But Magnus’s voice ran dry when he saw Alec’s puzzled and cautious expression.
Alec’s eyes stayed fix on Magnus for some long seconds, wondering what to say. This was becoming emotional and he wasn’t sure if he could handle it. Even if he had known he would miss Magnus, he had been glad of the few days they would have been apart. Being away from his lover would have helped him sort through the submerging feelings that were now walking hands in hands with his heart whenever he was near the beautiful warlock. At the moment, Alec was fighting with an overwhelming need to crawl to Magnus’s feet and beg him to love him forever, which was awfully embarrassing. He replied to his lover with as much reluctance as he could managed even if his heart and soul were elated and giddy.
- “Of course I’m glad Magnus. I just wish you hadn’t take all these risks just to... spend some time with me. I know it thrilled you to do it but it still could have waited. It wasn’t that important.” He said, trying to skip over the part where he mentioned Magnus’s intentions of being with him, as he mostly believed it hadn’t been the real reason.
At these words, Magnus looked angry for a reason Alec couldn’t grasp really. The warlock moved swiftly toward his lover, barely missing the sturdy wood dresser aside the window, and kneeled between Alec’s legs, looking up at him and raising his hands up to cup his boyfriend’s face tenderly. His eyes shone with determination and some anger, as Alec had guessed. Dumbfounded, he listened to the warlock’s husky voice.
- “Not important? I think I can be the judge of that Alexander. You seemed very upset yesterday and I don’t like you shutting me off of your beautiful mind. I want to know what’s going on Alec and don’t tell me my interest for you is unimportant. In fact, it’s rather insulting. I think I’m old enough to know what I deem worthy of my attention or not.” He said fiercely, never leaving the blue orbs that were completely puzzled and soon became clouded by being so close to his heart’s desire.
As Alec stayed mute, unable to utter a word, Magnus leaned in, brushing his lips gently against his lover’s ones, eliciting a content sigh and a passionate response, as if the shadowhunter couldn’t fight his hunger anymore. But of course, Magnus would refuse him his delightful escape. Alec didn’t want to talk but Magnus wouldn’t have any of it. After the brief contact, his lover leaned away and looked at him again, pressing the young man with his steady gaze and silky voice.
- “Now, tell me, what’s going on?” Magnus pushed on, leaving Alec no means of exit.
Alec tried to even his breathing but he couldn’t. He got lost in the warlock’s hypnotizing gaze and all his anger, fear and anxiety bubbled up, trying to surface. Horrified, Alec heard the words being spilled out of his mouth, as an uncontrolable sickness that he didn’t have any hold over. So much for self-control.
- “I hate how you make me feel.” He blurted out, sounding like a whining child.
He closed his eyes, ashamed beyond belief. He didn’t want to see Magnus’s face but he heard the hurt and shock in his lover’s voice nonetheless. His boyfriend’s hands left his face and Alec felt the loss right down to his bones.
- “What...?” Magnus said, distressed.
Alec sighed deeply and opened his eyes slowly. There was no turning back now, he didn’t want Magnus to believe he wasn’t amazingly happy with him and tried his best to fix the ugly words that had left his mouth. Magnus’s features were a heartbreaking mix of pain and sadness. Alec felt his heart clench and rushed into the words, wishing more than anything to see his lover smile again.
- “I... I... never felt like this before. I... can... never tell you no and... it’s like you have this... absolute control over my body with your... mind-blowing sex skills...” He blushed furiously at these words and got Magnus to smile a little. “I’m not used to be... so... pliant.... I don’t like... the way... I can’t control... anything anymore.” He inhaled sharply and stopped struggling to explain the very core of his discomfort. “I’m the one who take care of everyone Magnus, I’m the responsible one, always making sure everybody will be safe and sound. Nobody look after me, I’m reliable and constant. But with you... I have no safeguard, I don’t know how to deal with all of what you make me feel. I’m loosing control and I hate it. I feel exposed and vulnerable, unable to stand my ground and I can barely care now about what has been the meaning of my existence before you... and it’s wrong. I shouldn’t feel like that.” He said, pleading with his eyes for Magnus to understand all of his dilemma.
Magnus stayed quiet for a long minute searching the blue eyes. As some of the pain seemed to recede from the cat’s eyes to be replaced by softness, Magnus lift his right hand again and nestled it against Alec’s cheekbone. The shadowhunter leaned in the touch, trying to comfort himself with Magnus’s closeness. The warlock then looked at him very seriously and spoke in a barely audible voice.
- “Do not think this isn’t new for me either Alexander... I’m very much scared too.” Magnus said, earning a startled gaze from Alec and making him smile softly. “I may have 800 years old but nobody’s got me attached so quickly. If you’re used to be reliable Alec, I used to be nothing but reliable. I used to elude any kind of serious situation and just live day by day.” The green eyes went down to the floor for some seconds and then lifted up again, sad and confused too. “We’re both changing... and yes it’s difficult but if there’s one thing I learned through the years, sweetheart, is that nobody change completely. You will never stop caring for your siblings totally and I will never be totally serious.” He chuckled softly at these words, his eyes shining a little bit. “There’s only one thing we can do now... Be distrustful and reject our blooming feelings altogether or just let go... Accept to hold on to each other as we both loose control together. What do you think?”
The beautiful green-gold eyes were striking. Alec felt his heart beating wildly, wishing nothing more then to let go as Magnus said but... No. There was no but. He trusted Magnus more than he ever thought he could. His eyes getting lost in the wonderful cat’s one, feeling the warm and soft touch on his cheek, he felt luckier and happier than he had ever felt in his life... So what if Magnus didn’t love him? So what if Jace and Izzy were not his priority anymore? He had never felt more alive in his whole life, this felt right, this felt perfect.... and he didn’t want to leave it. He would take what Magnus would give him. And then, for once in his life, Alexander Lightwood let go...
To be catch by a very eager warlock.
Magnus swallowed him in a tight embrace, lips devouring him and hands holding him tighter than he ever did, holding on to his shadowhunter just as much as Alec was holding on to his sparkly warlock. Both lost and happy to loose control... together.
