Kissed : The Beginning (Chapter 24)

Chapter 24 : Fighting What You Want (Part 1)

Magnus felt the eyes on him like a burning fire. He wanted nothing more than turn around and return the gaze as longingly as he wished and felt like. He wanted nothing more than to run to his beautiful shadowhunter and kiss him senseless until he forgot his own name. He wanted to hold him and swear to him that no matter how much pain the blue-eyed boy would throw upon on, he would still love him, still be there for him whenever he desired to. He wanted all of these things but didn’t act upon any. Because Alec didn’t want their relationship to be lived in the daylights, Alec didn’t know if he wanted Magnus more than his moron of a parabatai, Alec didn’t give him any choice in loving him and mostly, Alec was far too important to him to risk spoiling whatever the young shadowhunter wished of his life. It was up to Alec to know what he wanted to risk and what he wanted his life to be. Magnus himself had to deal with the fact the he would maybe never find a solution for their immortal-mortal maybe-relationship but he had bestowed this problem to be his to solve or bear if it came to that.

He listened to Maryse petty talk and naughty attitude, barely able to concentrate enough to listen to her but his answer a bit snappy nonetheless. He was starting to begrudge Alec’s parents if only because they were the reason Alec felt so compelled to hide himself. Nobody should feel ashasmed of what they were and somehow, along the way, their son had decided that cowering and hiding was better a fate than to face their wrath.

He had noticed Jace walking away and knew something was up but couldn’t really care either. He was suffering and fighting what he wanted with toes and nails only wishing Clary to just get here already. Keeping away from Alec was draining him and he knew his resolve was far from perfect. He almost allowed himself a peek when he saw Alec biting down harshly on his lip, drawing blood. He flinched internally and looked away, unable to contain his anguish for the shadowhunter’s well-being. He didn’t have time to fight any more with himself as everything fell down on them.

Hellmist started to spread, clouding their vision and Forsaken surrounded them from everywhere. His nonsensical brain screamed to him to sought Alec and protect him but some survival instinct kicked in and he rushed to create the Portal that would be their only salute. He scrawled quickly and tried not to cringe at the sound of battling, his heart running a million miles per hour... please let him be safe, please, please... Without him even thinking about it, his free hand had sparkled to life, ready to fire and defend; he saw Alec linger near him for a while too long but soon he was ready to defend his life, just as he should.

To Magnus’ great relief, he saw a blur of blonde hair pass his vision and Jace was there to save his parabatai and be there when he, himself, couldn’t. The Portal was ready much more rapidly than he had expected and soon he was turning around, trying to gather everyone’s attention.

    -        « The Portal ! » He shouted. « Go through the Portal ! »

He turned toward the battle, barely able to see through the hellmist, even more cast a spell, but soon Maryse was rushing to him, Max in tow. She ran through the Portal and Magnus started breathing; this would work, they could all be safe. Alec was coming quickly and the warlock could have melted with his relief. His lover was dragging a barely conscious Isabelle but that wasn’t what got him wide-eyed with fright... Behind his beautiful shadowhunter, a Forsaken was coming along, weapon ready to bestow death on the love of his life. Anger and fear surged Magnus into action, as he realized Alec had stayed struck, gazing longingly into his green-gold eyes, unable to believe Magnus would spare him a glance. Determination stirred within the warlock and he lunged forward, grabbing hold of Alec’s arm and dragged him toward the Portal, almost pushing him through it; there was no way that Alec would die so stupidly on his watch, not if he could help it.

Without another glance, he turned his attention again to the battle at hand, only to see the Forsaken being killed by Jace, after he’d wounded the Daylighter... who’d shouted and attracted the attention of the disgusting creature. Without another word, Jace took hold of the bleeding vampire, how ironic, and carried him toward the Portal. Oddly enough, silence had started to fall in the backyard, as if defeated by the escape of their prey, Forsaken had began to leave in the glimspe of an eye, retreating without another fight. Jace gave him a small nod and was soon gone, leaving him behind. Alone.

***

Magnus had shuffled tiredly to his flat, after cleaning the area, sending Madeleine’s body where it belonged in Idris and acknowledging that none other Forsaken had lingered about the Institute. He’d promised himself to go back later in the afternoon, trying to unveil what kind of mystery, magic or reason had brought Forsaken to come close to such impressive wards as the one from the Institute but what he’d found instead was a very disappointed red-haired girl. He’d had to break the news of Madeleine’s death to both Luke and Clary, the departure of the Lightwood family, as also letting them know there would be no travelling to Idris for one Clarissa Fray today. That hadn’t worked very well.

He’d been trying, unsuccessfully, to talk some sense into her for the last fifteen minutes and explaining the situation to the only reasonable person present, Luke, when something Clary said caught his attention.

    -        « Madeleine said Fell wouldn’t talk to anyone else. » She muttered dejectedly. That reminded Magnus that Ragnor hadn’t returned his inquiries about a mortal spell. He hadn’t thought much of it at once, Ragnor being a grumpy old man and not very inclined to be merciful with Magnus (maybe he’d been afraid that Magnus would ask him to join him to a trip in Peru again) but there was the chance to prod his old friend some more.

    -        « Fell? Ragnor Fell? » Magnus said inquiringly. « I can try to get a message to him. Let him know to expect Jace. » As if that would go well but that was better than nothing...

For a moment, Magnus thought Luke would bring some intelligence to Clary’s mind but it didn’t work out so well. The warlock noticed very well how she contained her tears, her mission to save her mother crumbling under her feet, and he felt for her really, but that couldn’t happen. She ran out to the backyard, where he’d created the Portal this morning, unable to contain her emotions. He stayed with Luke, both shuffling in awkardness, Magnus even more, as he wasn’t used to emotional teenage girls, before he felt some suspicion crawling down his spine... and then, the flare of magic in the air confirmed his doubts. The werewolf probably felt the same cause soon, they were both running in Clary’s footsteps only to be faced with a dreadful sight.

Magnus’ cat eyes shone in anger, disbelieving at the girl’s stupidity that would just get herself killed, thanking yet again the heavens that warlock were infertile, when he heard Luke shout out her name and then, the warning that she should have listened to before.

    -        « Clary, stop! The wards are dangerous! You’ll get yourself killed! » Luke shouted, panicked.

The warlock hand was already sparkling, ready to snatch the red-haired girl away from the Portal, when he heard her apologies... And then, parenthood seemed to get the better of the werewolf as Luke, with undeniable strength that hinted toward his paranormal nature, leaped forcefully to his ‘daughter’, grabbing the thin wrist in an iron-grip, unwilling to let go.

Before he could do anything, both had vanished through the Portal, leaving him swearing to mundane’s (well, almost mundane) stupidity. He hurried to close the gapping hole, swearing profusely. After he was done, he ran an angry hand through his black hair, hoping that the father and daughter would be safe. No that he could do much about it anymore...

***

Magnus walked back home quietly, as dusk sat on the horizon, his vain researchs leaving him a bitter taste in his mouth. Although, to be completely honest, he hadn’t really wished to discover the source of the random attack on the Institute; it had merely been a good way of delaying the somber evening that was stretching before him. A night where he would twirl around all of the reasons he’d stayed away from Alec, again and again, fighting with himself as none of them seem worthy enough.

As he sat on his furry pink couch, Chairman purring contendly in his lap, he figured he only had one alternative to his gloomy mood; resume the desperate search he’d set upon himself. Maybe he could send a quick fire message to Ragnor after all, if only to let him know that it would be possible a crazy red-haired girl would knock on his door soon.

Sighing, he picked a random sheet of paper, writing in his elegant scrawl to his green-skinned friend, hoping Ragnor would stop being haughty and answer him. One thing for sure, he hadn’t expected what came back flaming to him, minutes after his first message left...

What appeared in his lap wasn’t expected and he didn’t know what to make of it either. Alec. His blue-eyed wonder had written to him. He couldn’t help but feel his heart race wildly. His vision blurred when he read the words but he fought it, trying to keep a hold of his feelings.

Warlock Bane,

I’m sorry to inquire any further help from you but I would like to request a favor. The daylighter Simon Lewis is supposed to be portaled back to you tonight from Idris, could you confirm reception?

— I understand if you don’t answer to my message but this is really important. Sorry again... for everything.

 You were right.

Alec

Magnus looked down at the fire message again, a blank expression on his features. From Alec’s message, he knew something was terribly wrong but he couldn’t get pass the last words.

‘You were right’

Right about what? He couldn’t help but wonder. Right in loving you? Right about requesting a fair place in your life? Right regarding the fact that you are in love with Jace and that all my efforts were pointless? Right about ignoring you and breaking it off? Magnus was thoroughly confused. Most of all, he didn’t want hope to seep through with these words. He didn’t want to believe that what Alec meant was he’d been right in asking what he wanted and that Alec might be inclined to give it to him.

Magnus sighed deeply and rubbed his eyes with the heels of his palms before shoving a nervous hand through his free-of-glitter black hair. He didn’t know what to do. Well, that wasn’t exactly true; he knew what he wanted to do but he was certain he shouldn’t do it. He just wanted to run off to Alec and solve all of his problems and the lingering threat that seemed to be happening in Idris. He wanted to send a fire message that would let his lover know that all was forgiven and that he would be there to hold him at the end of the day.

Thinking back to all of what had happened between him and Alec, his features smoldered in a determined resolve. He picked up a sheet of paper and started writing in his elegant calligraphy, hand firm and confident.

Shadowhunter Alexander Lightwood,

There has been no reception of vampire Simon Lewis, aka the Daylighter, from Idris. I was not made aware or requested of any Portal transfers from the Capital. There hasn’t been any other Portal activity since young Clarissa Fray left New York. On this note, you should expect her to show up soon if she hasn’t killed herself yet.

—And... you should know by now that I never refuse you anything. Although, sorry barely begins to cover it.

Sincerely,

Warlock Bane

He couldn’t help but press harder on his ‘title’; how Alec could adress him so carelessly was beyond him and it stung him to no end. It didn’t stop him from staring helplessly at the piece of paper for a long amount of time, wondering again if this was what he should do. Did he really want to pursue this campaign of rejection? It was tearing him apart; on one hand, he wished to suffer any pain just to be close to the young shadowhunter and at the same time, he was scared, confused and knew that if he never allowed Alec to see him in a different light, he would never move away of this dreadful position he’d been settled in. And what was his place exactly? Lover? Part-time boyfriend? Secret hideaway? Sideline fantasy? He didn’t know but he wanted it to change.

Sighing deeply, Magnus traced the fire rune with caution, still unconvinced. Although, as the sun set ablaze the morning sky, a reflecting fire shone inside the warlock’s flat, sealing his faith.

***

Magnus spent the day in a lingering torpor, shuffling through books, seeking informations and following feeble leads but nothing kept his mind from wandering. He’d thought continuously about the fire message he’d sent and, silly him, had expected an answer. But, obviously, Alec being the self-conscious guilt-ridden boy he was, hadn’t respond to his dismissal.

The warlock exhaled loudly and let his head fall into his hands, his mind whirling and unable to stop, questioning incessantly. What was he doing wasting the short amount of time Alec might have left with silly arguments? But again, they weren’t silly... and Magnus couldn’t get pass that. Torn and twisted, he looked outside his window, looking at the sky darkening, gaze lost to the busy city below. He’d stayed there all night again probably if some crackling hadn’t startled him from his daydreaming. Heart stuttering, he fumbled with the burning paper, trembling in anticipation. When he could finally open the message though, he met the tight scribble laying before his eyes with a puzzled frown.

Magnus,

Meet me in my country house in Idris. We have urgent matters to discuss.

Ragnor Fell

He’d known Ragnor for a very long time and never, and he meant never in their long friendship, did his green-skinned fellow warlock had passed up a chance to mock him. And Magnus requesting for a mortal spell was definitely a subject of mockery or at least it would have aroused contempt disapproval from his travelling companion. The man was a very serious individual but if there’s one thing he’d enjoyed it had been to patronize one Magnus Bane, even more now that he’d been able to gang up with Raphael Santiago against what they qualified his ‘shameful use of magic and immortality’.

No use to say, Magnus was worried. Something was very wrong if Ragnor had been so blunt and scarce in his communication. Magnus ran to his room and prepared as quickly as he could, cold shivers rolling down his spine. Before long, he was opening up a Portal, sweating and concentrating hard as he tried to by-pass as much as possible the wards from the Capital. What an hypocritical ass I am, he thought bitterly. So much for being so stern with Clary; here he was breaking the same rules he’d expecting her to respect. Shrugging with irony, he stepped through the Portal.

Soon enough, he stood on a low hill looking down the valley and trying to pierce the heavy glamour in front of him. Ragnor had always been very talented with these and being in Idris had strenghtened this ability.  He watched the little house appear quickly and immediately felt uneasy... something was very wrong. He ran down the hill, hoping he wouldn’t break his neck, and broke his stride few feet away of the cottage. It reeked of demon’s presence. Magnus felt his hands trembling and cold sweats covering his body. He just wished he wasn’t too late...

He rushed inside the house, only to find it dark, as if inhabited but then, his cat’s eyes denied that easy enough. The first thing he gathered was the wreckage that had been cast upon the little stone cottage; shelves and furnitures crushed, books ripped apart, drawers opened and contents scattered, even the windows had been smashed. What lastly caught his attention and kept it was the tall built frame of his friend, green skin turned an odd gray tone, body broken and stabbed. His mind went blank as he couldn’t process it. Ragnor had been a strong warlock, High Warlock of London in his old time... How? It wasn’t even possible. But there it was.

Suddenly, Magnus’ knees buckled under him and without him realizing it, he reached out trembling fingers to the unmoving form, sobs shaking his lithe frame... His heart sank and he thought that he shouldn’t have whined so loudly about Ragnor’s habit of making a fool out of him as he would never have the chance anymore to let him do so... The thin frame stayed crumpled to the ground for what seemed like a very long time. Although, just as every morning, the sun rose again, unaware of the dramas unfolding under the warm rays of his glory.